I’ve got chills! When Marlo-Megan made the diorama with the scribbled out face, well, things weren’t looking good from there. But it was a delicious downfall. A perfect, ominous, enthralling start to the Dark Tidings lineup.
Such a fantastic idea - absolutely love the minute detials of the arcane drumming rituals flowing just like it was something normal and the smile inducing words you make up to catch the essence of whats going on because - well, all the words we have are just not quite enough for the job, are they! - And the 12 horned goat - just to finish it off - like a second coat of marzipan on the cake - no need, but so good! Glad I've got a few days to roll my turd in some glitter.
What if there WAS a goat deity called Marzi Pan and he lived in the Arcadian Apartments. Thanks for reading Nick. I am super pleased you enjoyed it. Looking forward to your Colin birds!
Wow! What an intro to the Dark Tidings! Can I just say that I’m glad I read this early in the day so I have hours and hours and hours to let it process and get out of my head, hoping your words will not revisit my dreamscape because—damn—that was frightening…and so good.
Fantastic opener for the 12 Days of whatever the f*** this is. Considering it's stylistically you're very tight and very much a voice of your own I'm wondering what's going to come next from this series. One of the things that I love about your writing, in particular is something I think is made overly apparent in this piece in particular and that is the fact that you have an inherent or learned ear for the musicality and flow of sound in a sentence. Very much a creature of my tribe. As a sentence level writer, this brings me great joy. Anyone can write, that I truly believe that anyone can be taught how to write well in a voice of their own, however there does come a point in the process where the ineffable is involved at one level or another. In short, some people just do not have the ears or the words let alone the inherent ability to put them together in a way that makes them sing.
This is why me and just about every well-published author that I know and interact with on a regular basis, I think will sometimes or constantly stop in the middle of conversation and say something like "f*** that's a good line" though, to be honest, more often than not it is " that would make a really good title"
A prose stylist who is confident in their art can even make dissonant jangly prose sing in a way that authors whose writing I would describe as workmanlike, simply cannot.
I suspect that your background in music helps you with this, but you took a very vague sort of concept here brought it to life beautifully without having to explain anything. One of the other hallmarks of writing that I love is a distinct lack of bland exposition. Not that that exposition doesn't have its place. Just that if you are using expository dumping too much, especially in a short story which I see as the Hallmark of a lot of amateurs. And I don't mean that as some sort of derogatory slur which it can very easily seem like, but overwriting and too much exposition is definitely a calling card of the amateur.
Not that that doesn't move units in marketplace. Because lots of people just like to be told things. I would rather feel like I am there or at least in the vicinity. Everything I've ever read written by you, it definitely puts me front row. Can't wait for the next piece. Keep scribbling out words.
Thanks Emil! I love that you appreciate that sentence level construction. I do really try and make it work rhythmically for the reader. I suspect my musical indoctrination is the culprit as well. I really appreciate your considered and thoughtful comments. Now on to the next thing we go---
Without doing the full very annoying, overly complex and technical breakdown. Yeah yeah you definitely make it work. And of course on to the next thing.
Wow! Can't get those ghastly last images out of my head with the town folk, mouths wide open and looming up at the stormy sky, their unnatural cries ringing out- some great writing.
Great polyrhythmic writing, Jon. The story reminds me of Killing Joke's song "The Death and Resurrection Show." There is surely something sinister and powerful about group drumming.
Loved every bit of it. So good Jon. I felt like I was watching a short film clip. The pacing was great. I craved more but it ended so well that it was good to stop there. Loved the black goat in there.
If we ever acquire rich people in film, I would absolutely, design all our stories. It was very dim lighting. Widescreen 35mm. It helps with your narration, but this time I read it without. There was a lot of splicing in the film. Distorted. Would've been a great horror short.
Great job! Very creepy. I love stories that have their own weird rules and phrases. I like that you didn’t try to explain everything, you just tell it and let the reader work things out. So many good lines. “It gave me the bumps.” What a start to this series•
damn jon this is absolutely incredible. I gotta go needle with my draft now.
Thank you EJ, give it a good prick for me while you're in there. Can't wait to read yours.
I’ve got chills! When Marlo-Megan made the diorama with the scribbled out face, well, things weren’t looking good from there. But it was a delicious downfall. A perfect, ominous, enthralling start to the Dark Tidings lineup.
poor little turnip
Thanks Garen for putting this wicked lineup together and the beautifully simple brief. It was so much fun to research and write.
It’s been a pleasure! Truly!
Get the fuck outta here with this shit. You're on another level, my dude. Excellent.
Thank you. Cant wait for 7 Seans a swimming!
👙
👏 Damn you for making me follow this, Jon.
Such a fantastic idea - absolutely love the minute detials of the arcane drumming rituals flowing just like it was something normal and the smile inducing words you make up to catch the essence of whats going on because - well, all the words we have are just not quite enough for the job, are they! - And the 12 horned goat - just to finish it off - like a second coat of marzipan on the cake - no need, but so good! Glad I've got a few days to roll my turd in some glitter.
What if there WAS a goat deity called Marzi Pan and he lived in the Arcadian Apartments. Thanks for reading Nick. I am super pleased you enjoyed it. Looking forward to your Colin birds!
the Colin Birds may have to have their own story.... i cant shoehorn them into what I done
That’s fair, loved your last bird story.
Wow! What an intro to the Dark Tidings! Can I just say that I’m glad I read this early in the day so I have hours and hours and hours to let it process and get out of my head, hoping your words will not revisit my dreamscape because—damn—that was frightening…and so good.
Black Goat nods suspiciously. Thank you CB!
Fantastic opener for the 12 Days of whatever the f*** this is. Considering it's stylistically you're very tight and very much a voice of your own I'm wondering what's going to come next from this series. One of the things that I love about your writing, in particular is something I think is made overly apparent in this piece in particular and that is the fact that you have an inherent or learned ear for the musicality and flow of sound in a sentence. Very much a creature of my tribe. As a sentence level writer, this brings me great joy. Anyone can write, that I truly believe that anyone can be taught how to write well in a voice of their own, however there does come a point in the process where the ineffable is involved at one level or another. In short, some people just do not have the ears or the words let alone the inherent ability to put them together in a way that makes them sing.
This is why me and just about every well-published author that I know and interact with on a regular basis, I think will sometimes or constantly stop in the middle of conversation and say something like "f*** that's a good line" though, to be honest, more often than not it is " that would make a really good title"
A prose stylist who is confident in their art can even make dissonant jangly prose sing in a way that authors whose writing I would describe as workmanlike, simply cannot.
I suspect that your background in music helps you with this, but you took a very vague sort of concept here brought it to life beautifully without having to explain anything. One of the other hallmarks of writing that I love is a distinct lack of bland exposition. Not that that exposition doesn't have its place. Just that if you are using expository dumping too much, especially in a short story which I see as the Hallmark of a lot of amateurs. And I don't mean that as some sort of derogatory slur which it can very easily seem like, but overwriting and too much exposition is definitely a calling card of the amateur.
Not that that doesn't move units in marketplace. Because lots of people just like to be told things. I would rather feel like I am there or at least in the vicinity. Everything I've ever read written by you, it definitely puts me front row. Can't wait for the next piece. Keep scribbling out words.
Thanks Emil! I love that you appreciate that sentence level construction. I do really try and make it work rhythmically for the reader. I suspect my musical indoctrination is the culprit as well. I really appreciate your considered and thoughtful comments. Now on to the next thing we go---
Without doing the full very annoying, overly complex and technical breakdown. Yeah yeah you definitely make it work. And of course on to the next thing.
Wow! Can't get those ghastly last images out of my head with the town folk, mouths wide open and looming up at the stormy sky, their unnatural cries ringing out- some great writing.
It disturbed me for a while too after writing. Thank you for reading Jason.
What a great opening line! :)
Thank you Michael!
Great polyrhythmic writing, Jon. The story reminds me of Killing Joke's song "The Death and Resurrection Show." There is surely something sinister and powerful about group drumming.
What a cool reference! I love that. Thank you Bradley
Loved every bit of it. So good Jon. I felt like I was watching a short film clip. The pacing was great. I craved more but it ended so well that it was good to stop there. Loved the black goat in there.
Thank you Edith. I like the idea of other people imagining the cinematic possibilities. Would love to see it through your lens.
If we ever acquire rich people in film, I would absolutely, design all our stories. It was very dim lighting. Widescreen 35mm. It helps with your narration, but this time I read it without. There was a lot of splicing in the film. Distorted. Would've been a great horror short.
Great job! Very creepy. I love stories that have their own weird rules and phrases. I like that you didn’t try to explain everything, you just tell it and let the reader work things out. So many good lines. “It gave me the bumps.” What a start to this series•
Thank you Lane. I appreciate that you like the style. Hope you check out my other short fictions if you like this.
What a fabulous first story for Dark Tidings!
Thank you Bridget, looking forward to French Hens
Holy goat, you’re the GOAT!
Thanks Hun
☺️
you had me at "nested polyrhythms". Before I knew it, I was at "bedazzled torsos" and in complete awe. such a fresh, incredibly written work!
*blush thank you Will
This is just outstanding, Jon. Wow! 👏
Thank you sir!